I am Trying

Lately some events have lead me to think long and hard about what a good mom is. i could ask different people what a good mom is, and i would get a different answer every time. I've come to the conclusion that whatever idea you have in your head about what a good mom is, or does, comes from things you remember as a child. Experiences from what you’ve seen and heard growing up, and not just from your own mother. Being a parent, you have many different jobs... but the basics are the same, no matter what your definition are...

1. General Overall Care: this includes clothes, food, shoes and a roof over your child's head. These are things you should provide for your child, before yourself. 
2. Protection: there are MANY things in the world you can not, or will not, be able to protect your child from, however, it is your JOB as a parent to protect them from the preventable. this includes taking the steps to get to know the people who will take care of your child, even if for a short period of time while you go on a date or need a nap. it is your job to take the steps to prevent anyone from hurting your child, physically, emotionally or sexually. Sometimes things happen and they are beyond your control, however... if you send your child to live with someone you know has a history of domestic  violence, your failing at your job. 
3. love. there should never be ANY doubt in your child's mind that he/she is loved. ever. 

With that said, everyone has their own “little” things that make up a good mom in their eyes. a few of mine are: 

Breastfeeding: good moms take the time to put the effort into breastfeeding, because its whats best for their baby. absolutely anyone can pop a bottle in a babies mouth (uncles, aunts, brothers, sister, dads, grandparents, daycare workers, homeless people...) only the mother is able to breastfeed, and it is sooo good for your child. i understand that not everyone can succeed at this (i am one of those) however, to go into it with defeat not an option, and to literally try your hardest before giving up, makes you a good mom.

Waking up early: I'm not sure exactly why this is on my list, other than the fact that my mom was always awake, dressed and usually making breakfast when i got out of bed. i liked that. i never had to beg my mom to get up (with the exception of Christmas morning). growing up i saw other moms shuffle to get their kids off to school while in their pajamas, and go back to bed as soon as the school bus left. i always felt sorry for those kids, not sure why, their moms might have been good moms too...but not in my eyes. i enjoyed sitting at the table eating breakfast while my mom cleaned up the dishes, i never felt like a “chore” to my mom.

Surprises: some people might think this is stupid...but one of the things i remember most about my childhood is that we always had surprises. usually little things, sometimes big things, but always a surprise. i loved walking into my room after school and there being something new laying on my bed. a new outfit, a new toy or even a note from my mom telling me how proud she was of me. Its definitely one thing i will do with my child. 

Making sure your child is clean: this is probably on most peoples list, but i try to make sure, not matter where we are or what we are doing, my child is clean. this means his face is wiped clean of food, snot, and dirt. its not always easy, and it usually means an endless supply of baby wipes (which, by the way, are possibly the best invention ever) and a diaper bag stuffed with extra clothes. Clean diapers, not just changing them when they poop, but changing wet diapers regularly. Dressing your child, a diaper is not an outfit. (if your at home, then a diaper is sufficient, mostly because I'm in my underwear as much as possible) if your child walks, put shoes on that baby! i know sometimes its a pain in the butt (especially when daddy buys them and it takes 15 minutes for each shoe) but you don’t walk in stores barefoot, (i hope anyway) so don't let your child. 

There is a TON of things that make up a “good mom” in my mind, and i strive to hit those marks every day. I'm young and I'm new at this (only been a mom for 14 months) but I'm trying, and i think that counts. it would be so easy to ship my child off to daycare, buy myself new things, pawn him off on anyone that would take him, not change his stained shirt and not change my habits. 

i will make mistakes. i wont always make the best choices. but i will strive for perfection. i will make decisions with the best intention of my child in mind. so please, let me raise my child. i promise to do the best job i can, and if that means that i upset you, make you mad, hurt your feelings - understand that is not my intention. My intention is to make sure my child is in a safe environment with someone who will care for him in the best possible way. Understand that this is MY child, not yours, and i don't really care what you did with your children. this isn't your child. So, unless i ask your advice, don't offer it. And believe me, if i need help, I will ask.  There are a lot of things my pride will get in the way of, especially when asking for help, however, my child isn't one of them. 

im grown now, and even though i know my childhood wasn't perfect, i cant think about a single thing i would change. i have no regrets, i don't think my mom could of done a better job. i grew up with the perfect childhood. when my child is grown, i want him to think he had the perfect childhood. it is so sad to hear adults talk about the things they suffered when they were children. to think about that little boy/girl being hurt by the ones they trust and love.

so, if you are a mom (or a dad) PLEASE, try. thats all. just try. but try your hardest. 

am i the bad guy?

Somewhere, somehow, I became the bad guy. The bad guy for stupid, common sense things. When did it become OK for people to stop doing what was "right" or "good"... there aren't very  many things in life that you have to seriously contemplate the difference between whats right and wrong, what you should or shouldn't do. i know, for myself at least, that 90% of the time it takes a split-second to decide. 90% of the time its BLACK AND WHITE. 

now, I'm not saying that I'm always right, or that i always make the best decision. i have an extremely bad habit of not filtering my words when i am mad, and this in turn, usually hurts the people that i should take extra care not to hurt. ever. but, i don't walk around day after day, doing it and thinking its ok.

Lately i have found myself in numerous situations where i am the bad guy for things that i shouldn't be. and i am made to feel bad, or in the wrong, for things that should not of taken place to begin with. Driving through whataburger (this specific time, although I'm sure everyone will agree, it happens almost everywhere) the lady at the drive through window did not great us when we pulled around. instead she said "a large sweet tea?", to which i responded "no?" (we had ordered breakfast)  she responds with "pull over to lane b and ill bring it out to you"... i look at jarrod, totally confused, for at least 30 seconds debating on weather i should tell her what i ordered or did she just temporarily get confused? she then turns to us, and tells us our total, takes our debit card, swipes it and closes the window after handing it back. She had been talking to the person in line behind us on her drive through headset. after a few minutes, the window opens back up and she hands us our bag, says "thanks" and goes to close the window... which puts us in an awkward situation if we needed anything else (ketchup, piacante, etc..). No, she wasn't rude, but when did that become the standard? what happened to customer service? Real, good "Hi, How are you?" with a smile customer service?  

Trying on dresses for my wedding with my sister in law, in Dillards. we probably took a good 15 dresses into the changing room with us. yes, we were only going to purchase one, but she's got the kind of body that looks good in anything, and we wanted the dress that was amazing. we walked past 3, THREE, sales associates standing around talking, to get to the dressing room. not a single one every asked us if we needed help, and we had looked at dresses for close to an hour. On the way out, with our two favorites on the stroller, we hand one of the girls the dresses that didn't work out. Yes, it was a lot, however, Dillards is a clothing store. you go there to buy clothes, and most of the time, you need to try stuff on. The look on the girls face was disgusted that we had tried on that many dresses, and she acted quite pissed that she had to stop talking with her friends to put the dresses away. OH MY GOD! are you kidding me?! ITS YOUR JOB! this, this exact thing, is what they pay you to do. no, I'm sure it isn't fun, and that you don't want to do it, but do you think they would pay you if it was? 

Yet, if i say something, I'm the bad guy. 

and this isn't just in retail...its in everything.. its how i want to be talked to, how my child should be taken care of, saying things that NEED to be heard, or fixing things that need to be broken. so, if i pissed you off, have pissed you off or piss you off in the future, think about it this way... if you had done what was "right" in the first place, would this even be an issue? if you had smiled at me ONCE at the drive through, would i contact your area manager? if you had asked ONCE if i needed help, would i have emailed the ceo of your company? if you had.... what? done the right thing? then yes, everyone, everywhere would be happy. 

my challenge for you, world, is to make an effort at being happy. wake up, and smile at yourself in the mirror. tell yourself a joke. if you have kids, wake them up with a giant smile. stop living life, and start LIVING life!